I wanted to record the story of Sofia's birth, mostly for myself and her, but also because I think other mamas and mamas-to-be might appreciate it (I know I enjoyed reading and hearing the stories of some close friends while I was pregnant.)
Sofia was late - 16 days late. At 14 days I really started worrying about what was ahead as far as induction (& everyone started asking, which didn't necessarily help keep my fears at bay). I began preparing myself for a birth that would be 100% different than I had wanted, prepared for, dreamed of, intended to have. I was prepared for the potential of a medicine induced hospital birth, but still hoped my body would kick into gear and birth naturally - the way women were created to birth. I continued to push myself to trust my body. I had done so much to prepare myself for the work I was to do. I had spent so much time taking care of my body, my emotional well-being, and my mind throughout the pregnancy. And as crazy as it might sound, I was looking forward to the sensations of labor and birth. I couldn't wait for my baby to be placed on my chest the moment after she was born after the intense laboring that I was sure would have been needed to get her there. It was the prize at the end of the journey I had my sights set on. (Just a note... Some women feel defensive of their choice to use medication when I explain why I am not. I am not trying to judge anyone's choices. We do what we need to do to get our babies here, and as long as you and babe are healthy, isn't that most important? Who knows, if I had been in a hospital setting where pain relief was an option, I might have asked for it in the midst of the pain. It was important enough for me not to have so I made sure I was in a situation where it wasn't even an option. My situation (the amazing birthing center) is not available to many women I know. I am lucky to have birthed in a place where it was available to me.)
As I have written previously, the midwives suggested various alternative routes in attempts to induce labor. I was eager to try some of them, including acupuncture, breast pumping with cotton root tincture, walking, and various others. I don't know if any of those actually made my labor start or if it just started on its own. The acupuncture definitely caused Braxton Hicks contractions during the sessions and could even be the cause for the pre-labor contractions that started picking up in the evenings after I started my acupuncture sessions. While I didn't love acupuncture (I might have to give it another try for a less intense reason), I'd do it again if a future birth were late. I'd even consider it if I were to get the morning sickness and heartburn like I did with Little Miss. Maybe it was the breast pump. Seth and I went to buy it on Tuesday. I pumped two times on Wednesday for an hour each while taking a dropper-full of cotton root tincture every 15 minutes. Then labor started that night. So maybe that was the kick start my body needed?? I climbed stairs at the park in the rain. I tried spicy food (& all I got from that was horrendous heartburn that kept me awake through the night - won't try that again!). I drank raspberry leaf tea - which I'll start drinking a little earlier next time. I did yoga 2-3 times a week. This overly pregnant mama could do a killer Eagle pose and Warrior III pose, not to mention some deep squats that should have coaxed Baby even deeper into my pelvis (not that she could go much lower, she'd been resting so deep for quite a while). One other thing, I have mentioned previously, was to have my membranes swept and my cervix dilated to 3-4 cm and pulled forward by my midwife. Who knows of these alternative routes for induction made any difference or not. I'd do them all again to encourage the natural birth I wanted.
The 'Last' resort, the one that I wasn't wanting to do but would have highly considered as a way to stay out of the hospital and away from pitocin, was castor oil. I had done some research and it seemed 50/50 for other women. 50% said they'd do it again while the other 50% said absolutely not. What a miserable place it would be to be the 50% that it didn't do it for. I also heard about black and blue cohosh, which is said to induce labor. I wasn't so sure about the blue cohosh part of it though (probably would have only done black cohosh if it came down to it). The blue cohosh has been linked with (if I remember right) heart problems in newborns (& if not that something equally unappealing). Luckily, labor started before these conversations were needed!
Now to the start. I imagined I'd wake to contractions starting in the night (maybe an image that came from one of my Grandma's stories of her labor starting in the night). We went to bed Wednesday night (Halloween) as usual. With each night I knew we were getting closer and closer to meeting our sweet girl, however she was coming into the world. There had been contractions of and on since Friday, but they always faded to nothing. At 2:20 am when I woke to what I thought might be a contraction, I also knew it may just be a very cramped bladder. After using the bathroom, I stood in the kitchen eating a Greek yogurt wondering if my labor was starting, getting a little excited, but convincing myself I needed to go back to sleep if possible. I crawled back into bed but didn't wake Seth. I wanted to make sure I had something to tell him, and I didn't want to jinx it! For 2 hours my contractions came about 10-15 minutes apart, lasting around 30 seconds. At 4:30, when Seth's alarm went off, I told him. (He wished I'd have woken him sooner...) Then I called my mother who was at the airport getting ready to board her flight to Portland. I explained that we'd keep her updated but we may need her to take a taxi if the labor came on quickly. I held off contacting the midwives for a few more hours. Again, I wanted to make sure I had something legit to tell them. They encouraged me to rest as much as possible as I continued to labor. Seth ended up working from home so he'd be close to me if I needed him.
I spent part of the morning in bed, part getting things ready, and the other part going on a walk to New Seasons to get something (I can't remember!) Little One didn't come before Mom arrived, so Seth and I were able to pick her up at the airport.
It was raining, but that didn't stop Mom and I from heading out for a long walk in the park. On the way back, we stopped for black licorice (it's supposed to induce labor so I thought as a little encouragement it'd give me the perfect excuse to eat my favorite candy!) I laid down again for a small nap, which slowed my contractions. And then Mom and I headed upstairs to see Jac, Phoenix, and Zia. Zia got a last love on my belly and one last time playing with my poked out belly button. I spent the time laying on their lounger and enjoying the distraction. The guys came home and we made plans to have dinner with them at their place, but after going back downstairs, we realized that Seth and I wouldn't be joining them upstairs for dinner. My contractions were picking up. Seth and I hung out in the living room, me bouncing a bit on the exercise ball, Seth applying counter pressure during contractions, watching 30 Rock.
I had been recording my contractions in an ap on my phone. They were getting closer together and lasting longer. There came a point when they really seemed to pick up, maybe around 8 or 9 pm (this is when I start to lose track of time). And then I started to throw up with each contraction. We called the midwives and they sent the apprentice midwife to our house to check on us. Seth and I were both ready to go to the birthing center even though they typically don't take first time moms in until the contractions are 3 minutes apart lasting a minute for an hour. We were close but not quite there. They gave us the option to go in anyway and we took it. I remember the time in the car was around 10:30 pm. That was the last time I was aware of the time until early morning.
I labored through the night in the Lili room with Seth as my supporter. The midwives were in and out of the room throughout the night. I thought I would want to have one of them there at all times, but it didn't seem to matter to me if they were there or not. Seth, however wished they were there a little more for times when we needed something but he couldn't leave me. I know I could not have done it without Seth. He was amazing. Prior to labor he was really afraid that in the pain I'd yell at him or get really cranky with him, but there was none of that. There was no way I could have. My focus and my energy were consumed. Plus he was doing everything he could to help me. There were multiple times when I thought he must be uncomfortable, but he let me do whatever I needed to do. If I needed to lean on him, he let me. If I needed to squeeze his shoulders, so be it. If I needed him to hold me, he would. If I needed him to just be there, he sat patiently beside me waiting for my next request. Between each contraction, he held up water or Recharge so I would stay hydrated.
They gave me a homeopathic that made the vomiting stop. I remember sleeping some between contractions. Laying down was not an ideal position but I was desperate for rest. I vocalized most of the night. It's amazing what a low om does to ease the pain in a contraction. I spent some time in water. When I got in, I laid back.... right into a burning candle and caught my hair on fire!! Seth quickly put it out. I didn't even care though. I was meeting my little girl soon! The whole room smelled of burnt hair and it reminded me of when I was in middle school and worked at a chicken farm (the only girl that did) and we had to catch the chickens to cage them for shipping out. They'd burn the points off their beaks before putting them in the cages. Burnt hair smells much like the smell of those burnt beaks. (You couldn't even tell that my hair had been burnt by the way... I didn't know this until a couple days after when I finally combed it for a shower.)
All of my preparation (yoga practice, birthing class, and reading) helped me with the contractions. The midwives were encouraging too - with each contraction completed, they'd remind me to breathe and let it go. That was my mantra as I'd come out of the contraction. Let it go. Towards the end, I began reminding myself that I could do this. I'd read about the stage that women get to where they think they can't do it, where they feel like giving up. While I felt a little of this and even vocalized once or twice that I wasn't sure about it all, I didn't feel it to the extreme that I thought I would. And even more, in the back of my mind, I still knew that I COULD do it.
Around 4:30 am, I started pushing. It felt like I pushed forever. Part of my pushing was probably quite inefficient pushing. I think I was using too much energy and not actually bearing down the way I should have. Maybe my body wasn't really ready to push - I had been encouraged to begin pushing by my midwife and maybe my body wasn't actually ready for it. Or maybe pushing effectively isn't something that comes natural (for me at least). At this point, I remember wishing I could just shut off labor for a few hours so I could take a nap. I was feeling quite exhausted, yet I knew I must go on. The other part that made it seem like it was going on forever was that my water never broke and before I could push the baby out, I had to break the water. I got to the point where I just wanted them to break my water. One of my midwives was going to help me, but I had to move to the bed. Before going, I had one more contraction and that was the one that broke the water. I was relieved that my body took care of it, and we didn't have to do the intervention (although I was 100% willing to do that intervention!)
I moved to the bed for the last part of labor. Before going into labor, I had not envision myself birthing our little girl on the bed, but I needed some help and this was the best way for my midwives to help me. The pushing got really intense and being on my back started cutting some oxygen to the baby and lowering the heart rate. I ended up being put on oxygen between contractions. Seth would hold the oxygen mask to my face for me. Seth said I was pushing so hard that I was turning blue/purple (hard to imagine what that looked like!). I know he was a bit freaked out by this point, just wanting to make sure that we were both okay. The oxygen was more for the baby than for me. Since I was on my back (although they kept propping me up to be somewhat on my side), the blood flow to the baby was being cut a bit.
I remember seeing the sun come up between the cracks of the window and blinds. I remember the way I kept thinking this is the push that gets the baby's head out. I remember the midwives mentioning the hair on the baby's head. They asked if I wanted to see the head. I said no. I needed to focus only on my task. I'd see the baby soon enough. Getting her head out took longer than I had imagined. I think I had secretly hoped for a quick push - you know those women who push for 5 minutes and boom, baby is here! It was totally a work in progress... Finally came the push that released the head. The rest was a quick and quite motivated push and out came baby. We later found out that it took so long because my tissues needed to stretch. The midwife said she actually contemplated an episiotomy (& she's never done one before - not something she does). She said had I been in a hospital there was a 90% chance I'd have had one. (Honestly, had I been at a hospital, I'd probably have been induced before that point.) I tore a bit, but it was quite minor and didn't requiring any suturing. I am lucky for that considering that, at one point, my midwives thought I needed an episiotomy to get the baby out. With their help and patience, my body did what it needed to and without causing too much damage.
Sofia was immediately placed on my chest. I couldn't have imagined a more beautiful moment. Seth saw her sweet face first. I only had a view of the top of her head (which indeed was full of hair - with curls!) I remember the intense wave of relief, of calmness that swept my body. The only words I think I could speak were, "Oh my gawd" and "I love you" over and over (I also said, moments after giving birth, that I'd definitely do it again). I cannot quite describe the moment, but it was definitely one of my favorite moments with Seth. Our baby girl was born. Our first child. That moment when everything in our lives completely changed. At that moment, we started functioning a different way. The wiring inside of us was rerouted and wired differently. Our thinking, priorities, cares... all of it changed.
After Sofia was born, we spent time with her laying in bed. Seth cut her umbilical cord. She began nursing for the first time. She was born with a little more fluid in her lungs than normal so she had to get a little special treatment from one of the midwives (looked like a back pat/massage maybe) to help get the fluid out. And then she was given back to us for skin-to-skin time. An hour or so later, the midwives did the newborn check-up. Sofia was weighed (7 pounds, 13 ounces) and measured (20.25 inches long). She was given eye drops and her vitamin K shot. They checked all of her and recorded it on a paper. Everything checked out great. They took some of the information and measurements to find out that she was 42 weeks for her gestational age. Our little girl's due date was not miscalculated, she just wanted to stay in a bit longer. Probably to grow and develop a little more. (Which reminds me, when she was born, there was meconium in the fluid. If I had taken Castor Oil, I would have thought this was a side effect of that and been worried. The midwives said it wasn't anything to worry about though, just something that happens when a baby is so overdue.) Later, one of the midwives came back to give us a "tour" of the placenta, meaning she went over the parts of the placenta with us. It was amazing seeing the life-giving organ that my body created in order to nurture our daughter through the pregnancy. We saw the inside of the placenta that had the "tree of life" made from the veins. (I know this will seem weird to some people, but I actually like that we were given the option and that we took it). I was told that my placenta was actually quite large (maybe the largest the midwives had seen) and the umbilical cord was extremely long (maybe the longest some of them had seen too). After the "tour" my placenta was stored away to be picked up for placenta encapsulation (& so far, I'd say it's working... I've been a bit emotional but I am pretty sure I haven't much had the so-called baby blues).
Not too much later, we ordered breakfast and feasted in bed. We were cared for by a postpartum doula for the rest of the day and into the next. Our postpartum doulas were amazing. We had a total of 4 and loved each one of them. They helped with the baby, changed our sheets, helped me get around when I needed to, helped with breastfeeding, got us food and drinks, soothed the baby when she was crying, and checked on us throughout our time there. Our job was to relax in bed and enjoy our little one together, which is exactly what we did. We took turns holding her to our chests, snoozing, staring, smiling, falling deeper in love with each other and with our new baby girl.
Sofia had her first guest late Friday afternoon. Her nana (my mom) came to see her. Many other family members and friends texted and called. We even video chatted with her Uncle Ian and Aunt Kendra. We sent photos and emails out to share the face of our beautiful daughter.
We did have a scare that evening, at least for these new parents. As I had mentioned before, she had fluid left in her lungs. It was cleared out of her lungs, according to the midwives and doulas based on their check ups. Yet, she was spitting up some stuff and sounded congested. The doulas took her into the bathroom of another room where there was a shower and gave her a steam treatment. This did help some. Our night doula also took Sofia for about 6 hours so we could get some sleep. This was especially helpful considering we hadn't had much sleep in the past 24-48 hours! We did rest with her on our chest, but that was completely new to us - having a newborn on your chest makes it difficult to sleep. (Plus, when you have a newborn right there, you really can't sleep cause you just want to watch her... I still feel that way 2 weeks later!)
The next morning, two of our midwives came back for our one day check up. Everything was good, and we were set to leave early afternoon to head home. I was ready to go home, but I did enjoy being taken care of at the birthing center. I loved our room, the Lili room. There was a magnificent photo of a lily flower and lily pads in water above the tub. In the day, it looked like a regular photo. In the night (& at first I thought maybe it had just been something I had noticed in labor - like an allusion... but indeed it appeared again the next night) the photo seemed 3D, as if the flowers and lily pads were coming out of the photo. I'm not sure what it is about that photo, but I'll never forget how I focused on it through labor and admired through Sofia's first night. I loved having someone take care of us, and since we were the only ones in the house, we had the doulas all to ourselves. Alma Midwifery was the absolute best place I could imagine birthing. I hope that I have all my future children with them!
Our birth was perfect. Afterwards, I felt as if I had conquered something beyond great. I knew I could do it, I just needed to do it before I celebrated! I, of course, didn't do it alone and couldn't have done it without Seth. He is modest about how much he helped me, but I truly couldn't have made it through the night and into that early morning without his support. He did everything I needed him to do to help me through the contractions and the pushing. The midwives complimented our teamwork multiple times and they were right, we really did work together. Seth is an amazing partner during birth, I am so lucky to have him as my partner in life, and sweet Sofia has no idea how lucky she is to have him as her father!
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